Today is Matt and my 14th anniversary! I can’t even believe we have been married that long. Yes we are really that old, and yes we got married super young. Our wedding was one week to the day from when I graduated college. When I think back we seem like such babies.
I’ve shared a bit in the past about our wedding. It was long before the days of Pinterest and before photography like it exists now, but even still – it was a day filled with everything I love. As a fun way to commemorate 14 years today, I thought we’d share a little wisdom and fun advice for marriage. Since we are SO OLD and married forever and all. ;) Interview style:
What’s the best thing about a long marriage?
VICTORIA: To have someone walking through the seasons of life with you. Just the other day we realized we had totally embarrassed our son at a soccer game and it made me laugh out loud. I was reminded how sweet it is to have one person to change diapers with, to embarrass the kids with, to go through all the crazy stages of life with.
MATT: The best thing about marriage is being known and loved. It’s one thing to be liked, it one thing to have fleeting feelings of love, it’s one thing to be committed. But to have someone know you, and covenant to fight for love for as long as we both have a breath in our lungs, well that’s the best thing about marriage. We believe grace can transform even the hardest of heart, and marriage has been the most prolific conduit of grace and the softening of my heart.
What have you learned over the last 14 years?
MATT: I’ve learned that in a close relationship, there are storehouses of things you can do to annoy someone. For some people this isn’t funny and is a great source of strain. I can still remember standing in the kitchen our first year of marriage fighting over how to use toothpaste and shouting, “MY WAY’S RIGHT AND YOUR WAY IS WRONG!!!” But you learn that these annoyances are reminders that you have committed to having your space invaded. What’s funny is that choosing to be married is basically saying, “having you in my life is more important than having life the way I want it.” And that’s quite humorous if, and only if, you survive!
What surprised you the most about marriage?
VICKY: Finding out that we are both capable of so much more than we ever thought has been surprising. Capable of loving beyond what we would have thought, of forgiving more than we could have imagined, of tiling floors, and raising twins and hosting parties and the many daily things that I would have thought – “NO WAY” to years ago. I don’t think I realized how much fun it would be to have someone I love be there to share it all with. A husband who makes me laugh and a constant friend who shares all the inside jokes with me. I have been surprised by the intense support Matt has given me over the years, and how my own capacity to care for him far beyond what I would have thought it could be.
MATT: What I didn’t expect is how much we both would change. I mean, yeah, I can mentally assent to the notion that we as living being are constantly changing and learning. My wife’s humility and willingness to learn continue to be some of her most beautiful traits. But I don’t think anything can prepare you for the reality of how much you change and what that means for your relationship. It’s so easy to assume you know yourself and your spouse. It’s much harder to being committed to discovering the beautiful things that make them tick, even if it takes a lifetime.
What was your favorite season of marriage so far?
VICKY: We have had a number of really sweet seasons & some hard ones too. When trying to get pregnant we went through a lot of heartache and the way we held each other up was really sweet to experience, then going through IVF and getting the gift of our twins. I remember the first couple months we were just up taking care of babies, working together to keep everyone alive. HA! Matt was up for every feeding with me and we both just tried to take care of each other the best we could. It was a season of survival and was a really intense in ALL THE WAYS, but something about jumping into the deep end of parenthood together bonded us intensely.
What do you remember most about your wedding day?
VICKY: I remember the feeling of joy celebrating with everyone I adored in one place, at one time. Everyone I could have wished for was there and we danced for hours together. I just remember being so happy to be at the best party I’ve ever been to. It was a day that was planned out for months (18 months to be specific), with peonies, pink sofas, homemade pizzelles, a Starbucks store rent out, a huge Italian meal and all the things I ever loved.
MATT: I feel like I remember everything from our wedding day. The morning spent preparing, hanging out at the church waiting for you. Seeing you walk down the aisle. Nearly dying from heat stroke during the ceremony. The limo ride. The Starbucks run. The pictures at Camp Bob. The party, the first dance, forgetting to eat cake, the chicken marsala, the one beer I had which I’m too embarrassed to admit what it was. Your dress with the annoying tied back. The driver who took the long way to our hotel. The room. I remember everything. How could I not, it was the best day of my life.
It’s fun to remember and talk about these thing. What have you learned in your relationships that seems the most important? I’d love to hear…